Road Rage and RV Whores: A True Tale Of Madness

I had the unlucky experience of being followed by you this morning. You Motoring-Psycho-Bitch! You hounded me from the inside of your vehicle the entire time I was driving my child to school this morning. You were behind me for almost the entire 1 mile we were on the road. Or, the equivalent of 3 hours in HELL thanks to your insane shenanigans!

--First you were ticked off because I drove the speed limit through a SCHOOL ZONE. I saw your fat fist fly up in the air and could see by the way your big mouth was going that you were yelling something in regards to me and the other vehicles in front of me going too slow for your liking.

--Then you were royally pissed because I stopped at two SCHOOL CROSSWALKS (marked with signs and street paint) to let children pass. (It is the law you Hag.) I saw you slamming your steering wheel with both of your meaty paws, your pasty puffed up face screwed into a vision of rage. Nice example for the kid in your passenger's seat lady. Unluckily for her, you likely spawned the poor dear.

--Then you amped your Psycho-Bitch factor up a few more notches and flew into an extraordinary fit, bouncing around on your seat and screaming-- because I wasn't turning left in front of oncoming traffic fast enough!! So in your next moronically executed move, you tried to get 6 cars, including mine into a pile-up by going around me and trying to turn left in front of me!!! (You Suicidal Law Breaking Street Skank!)

--Then you blew your stack, I thought you were going to bounce your own big ass outta your RV you were so crazed with anger! You were this pissed because while you were trying this potentially deadly maneuver--in a split second I decided that I'd had enough of your road-rage and I acted with lighting speed. I saw an brief opening in traffic and I gunned it turning left and leaving you lurching and stalling in the intersection with cars from both directions now honking at you and squealing their tires to barely escape the danger you'd put them all in. Served you right you mindless idiot! I was laughing my ass off! (Holy Shit, you were having a fit and falling in it lady! LMAO!!!)

--When you sped into the school parking lot a half-a-minute later I heard you screaming at your child while she exited your RV sized Sports-Utility-Ve-Hick-el. Bad enough you can't drive worth spit, but must you also verbally abuse your child because you're an Air-Headed-Gas-Hogging-Road-Harpy?! (Dear Social Services: ...hee hee)

--You then pulled out of the line of other cars dropping off their kids in the parking lot, and without looking for crossing children AGAIN, you screeched past my car while showing me your best Charles Manson impression and screaming something I obviously couldn't hear--because you friggin' ninny, you had your windows up! Of course I simply scrunched my face up into the most fake toothy smile I could muster. From the way your tires chirped, I'm pretty sure my cavalier attitude enraged you further; which was exactly what I meant it to do. (You predictable lower life form.)

--I would've given just about anything to have been a Cop for a few minutes this morning. I would have put some serious Police Brutality bruises on your crazy ass. I'd have given you a good dose of Pepper Spray right in that evil mug of yours just before I put my steel-toed boot up your fat caboose and kicked you into the back seat of my cruiser. You would have shared the back seat with my big police dog "Jaws", which would have made for a spanking fun ride back to county lock-up. Once there I would've ordered you to be strip-searched by a hulking guard named Theda. Theda would have also given you a deep magical cavity search with her giant man-hands. LUBE-LESS.