Hey you bastards, It's me, Ruby.
I'll be posting something soon that's relevant to the whole question and answer thing. Right now, I've had a few shots of Rot-Gut and a handful of Schlitz Malt Liquor's and I need to let fly. I live in Colorado. Two weeks ago we had snow. Today it was a scorching 101 degrees. I shit you not. Tell me, is that hot? Of course it is you little nitwit. (hang on, I'm opening another can of juice.) I can't stand it. I'd give anything to roll around butt naked in a snowbank right about now...
***CAUTION: Rant commencing in 3..2..1..
GODDAMMIT MOTHER FUCKER IT WAS SO FUCKING HOT TODAY I WANTED TO KILL SOMEBODY! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WE HAVEN'T EVEN HIT THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER YET AND IT'S LIKE LIVING IN THE MOJAVE FUCKING DESERT FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!! AND I’M IN THE GODDAMN MOUNTAINS FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!? HELL ON EARTH IS WHAT'S GOING ON, FIRE AND BRIMSTONE BABY! SHIT THE BED!!!
I SAW SATAN TODAY, HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A RETARD FRIGGIN’ WEATHERMAN ON CHANNEL SEVEN WHO CAN'T FUCKING SEEM TO GET IT RIGHT FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING PETE!!! PRANCING ABOUT WITH HIS LITTLE POINTER....AND THAT DEALY HE USES TO TOUCH THE MAP WITH.
THAT FLOOR FLUSHING SACK OF SHIT THINKS IT'S MIGHTY FUNNY THAT WE'RE SETTING STATE RECORDS FOR FRIGGIN' HEAT THAT'S KILLING PEOPLE BETWEEN THE RELATIVE COMFORT OF THEIR AIR CONDITIONED VEHICLES AND THE DOORS TO:
THEIR HOMES, THE GROCERS, & RESTAURANTS! PEOPLE ARE ROASTING TO DEATH WHERE THEY STAND! WE'RE ALL SCREWED JUST LIKE THE POOR FUCKERS IN POMPEII!!! !!
I'M SENDING HATE MAIL TYPED ON RED DEVIL STATIONARY TO THAT FUCKER ON CH. 7. I'M RIGGING IT SO WHEN PRETTY-BOY OPENS THE ENVELOPE A LITTLE PACK OF MATCHES WILL LIGHT ITSELF AND A TINY FLAMETHROWER WILL SHOOT UP AND INSTANTLY CHAR THAT FAT-ASS-T.V.- EVANGELIST HAIR-DO OF HIS! THIS SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM AS HE USES MORE HAIRSPRAY THAN A BUNCH OF SMELLY NAGS AT A BEEHIVE CONVENTION!! WHAT A FUCKING PUSSY! MOTHERFUCKINGWEATHERWHORE!!!
GOD HELP ME, I’M SO HOT MY GRANNIES HAVE MELTED TO MY FAT ASS!!! OH GOD! THE HUMANITY!! AAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Show's over folks. Now go play with yourselves; I've got some hate-mail to assemble.
Your favorite Sex Kitten,
Ruby Blathergab
Disclaimer: The Administrators of this blog do not share the Schlitz Malt Liquor induced opinions of Ruby Blathergab, nor can we be held accountable for anything that Ms. Blathergab says or does. Anyone wishing to lodge a complaint about this or any other post attributed to Ms. Blathergab may do so in the comments section. Thank you, Management.
**FOR SOME REASON SEVERAL POSTS HAVE BEEN ATTRIBUTED TO PAMELA WHEN IN FACT RUBY WROTE THEM. IF RUBY SIGNS A POST, IT'S ALL HERS.
